Some of what you carry was never yours.
Family constellation work for inherited patterns, grief that does not fit the event, and relationships that keep circling the same place. In person in Calgary, online anywhere.
Why people come
Three things I hear most often
A feeling that you sense is not matching your life
Heaviness, anxiety or grief that has no clear event behind it, and that talking about has not shifted.
A pattern that keeps repeating
The same kind of partner, the same ending, the same exhaustion at the same point. You can see it and still walk into it.
A relationship you cannot resolve
A parent, a sibling, a child, or someone who died before anything could be said. The conversation continues inside you.
The work
A constellation makes a family system visible.
Bertold Ulsamer describes a constellation as a living family tree, set up in the room by one member of the family. Only what matters is placed, and only what belongs to the question you came with.
You bring one question. We set it out on a table with wooden figures, or on a board with markers if we meet online. You place the people who matter. I ask what I see and what I do not understand yet.
Quite often the arrangement itself answers something. Who was never spoken of. Who is looking somewhere else. Whose place was quietly taken by someone younger. Nobody is told what their family means. You see it, and then one sentence is enough to let it settle.
That sentence is usually small. You are the parent, I am the child. I will carry my own life. Afterwards the system tends to stand a little straighter, and so do you.
What tends to show up
- Someone who was left out of the family and is still carried by a later generation.
- A death that came too early, and a family that could not look at it.
- A parent's earlier love, still quietly taking up a place.
- A loyalty that makes it hard to live more happily than your parents did.
- Feelings a child took over from an adult, and has been carrying as her own ever since.
What it is not
- Not a performance. Nobody acts out your family and nothing is staged for effect.
- Not fortune telling. It will not tell you what to do, who to be with, or what is coming.
- Not a verdict on your parents. We are not putting anyone on trial, least of all your mother.
- Not psychotherapy or medical care, and not a replacement for either.
- Not a cure I promise. I hold the space; you do the seeing.
What changes
What you gain by working with me
- You begin to make the change you actually came for.
- You release what stands in the way of it.
- You stop stirring the same subject in a hundred ways and go down to the source.
- You release what needs releasing, not what you think should.
- The chaos and the confusion quiet down.
- You feel calmer, and more able to act.
- You let go of tension, and see that the slower and deeper you work, the sooner something shifts.
- You see that growth can be hard, sometimes very hard, and that done slowly it is a beautiful road to a better life.
- Afterwards you will not want it any other way.
Love is not enough. In order to flow, it needs order.Bert Hellinger, on the order of love
Sessions
One session, $100
Ninety minutes. In person in Calgary, or online by video.
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We talk first
As long as it needs, not longer. What brought you, what you have already tried, and the one question you want to look at.
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We map your system
Wooden figures on a table if we meet in person. An online board with markers if we meet by video. You choose who stands where. I ask questions.
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Something becomes visible
Sometimes it is a person who was left out. Sometimes a sentence spoken in the wrong direction. The arrangement shows it before the mind explains it.
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We put it into words
One or two sentences that belong to you, said out loud, so you can take them home with you.
Payment by e-transfer after booking.
Rescheduling with 24 hours notice, at no cost.
Nothing to prepare. You do not need documents, a family tree, or everyone's approval to come.
About
A little about me
I am a systemic therapist in training, working with family constellations in Calgary.
My training is through the International Family Constellation Training Institute. I work with the support of Hellinger's first-generation teachers and my peer groups, because this work asks for company, and I would rather be honest about where my support comes from than imply a credential I do not hold.
I work in English and in Polish, in person in Calgary and online.
If you are looking for fast techniques, a five minute fix, or someone to tell you what your family is really like, I am probably not the right person. If you want to go down to the root and look at it without flinching, we will understand each other.
Monika McLean
Questions
What people ask before they book
Is this therapy?
No. Constellation work is not psychotherapy or medical treatment and does not replace either. Many people use it alongside therapy, and if what you describe needs a doctor or a psychotherapist, I will say so rather than take the work on.
Do I need to bring my family with me?
No. You come alone. Family members are represented by figures, objects or markers. They do not need to know, agree, or be alive for this to be useful.
I know almost nothing about my family history.
That is common and workable. We work with what you know, and the gaps themselves are often informative. You do not need dates, documents, or a complete tree.
How does an online session work?
We use an online board. You see it on your screen, and I move markers at your direction or you move them yourself. People who have done both often say the online version is just as present.
How many sessions will I need?
Usually one is enough to see the shape of the thing clearly. Some people come back months later with a different question. There are no packages and no pressure to continue.
What if nothing happens?
Sometimes an arrangement stays quiet. That is information too, and we will look at it together rather than force an insight that is not there.
Can I cancel or move a session?
Yes. Rescheduling with 24 hours notice costs nothing. Later than that, the session is charged, because the time was held for you.
Booking
Let's begin with where you're at
Choose a time that suits you. If you would rather ask something first, write to me and I will answer personally.
Email monika.mclean@icloud.com
Facebook Monika McLean, Family Constellation
Calgary, Alberta · and online